July 10, 2016 -

As I reflect on the past few days, I have so much heaviness on my heart. We don't live here in NC and we can't be here as often as we would like to visit my grandmother and family. We have spent countless hours at the nursing home with her for the past few days. We want to get as much time with her as we can before she gets her angel wings.

God spoke to me last week and told me that I needed to bring my Mom on this trip. I know it in my heart He is the reason that we are here. I had no plan nor did I really have the money to spare but for some reason I knew we needed to be here. My Granny was doing ok and then the night before we were to leave, we got a call that she was not doing well at all. Her health has only declined since that call. 

I have walked these halls over and over again seeing so many elderly people just sitting in wheel chairs in the hallway, slumped over in chairs and staring at walls. The smell reminicant of a portolet lingering in the air because sadly they have lost their cognitive skills. I commend the doctors and nurses that are working and caring for these men and women, these parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters. It saddens me to know that many of the residents have no family to visit or maybe they rarely do. It only takes a moment for me to stop, smile, and speak to each one I pass, even though my heart is breaking.

This time with my Mom and my Granny has been very enlightening to say the least. I've not always had a strong relationship with my own mother, but as I have gotten older, I've changed. I have matured and my heart has softened.

I try not to sweat the small stuff anymore. You can't change people, but you CAN change yourself. You can change the way that you react to situations and you can learn to love people exactly where they are. I'm not perfect and there are many things that I could have done better to strengthen our bond over the years.

My relationship with my mother is much stronger than it has ever been and I am so grateful for that. Seeing my grandmother slipping away from us is a terrible thing to witness. I have been blessed to sit with her and listen to hymns, read her scripture and feed her. I have prayed over her as the hair stood up on my arms and with tears running down my face and told her that it's ok to let go. Now that Hospice is here, all they can do is try to make her comfortable. I am strong but my mother is not. Her heart is breaking.

I can't imagine the pain she is feeling as the woman who gave her life is losing her ability to speak, eat and do things for herself. I have listened to my mother cry herself to sleep for the past 5 nights because she can't bare the thought of losing her. I know that this is all part of life but that doesn't make it any less painful.

What I have taken from this is that I never want a day to go by that I don't tell my parents that I love them. I want them to know that they are valued, appreciated and deeply loved.

I wish that I would and could have visited my Granny more. I wish I would have called her more to tell her that I love her. I wish! I wish! I wish!

Don't waste your precious time. Don't wait until it's too late and you are saying your "I wishes".

-Lisa Presnell

"I am convinced that material things can contribute a lot to making one's life pleasant, but, basically, if you do not have very good friends and relatives who matter to you, life will be really empty and sad and material things cease to be important." - David Rockefeller